News

Sebastian goes “Scandi”

  • Posted on: 24/02/2019
  1. Time: February, 2019

Place: The Themed Retirement Home for the Terminally Overdressed

Always a Good Fainter

Our foremost living national treasure is losing his memory. Sir Sebastian Wylie-Fox generally acknowledged to be the greatest actor since Sarah Siddons, has been top of the Shakespearean bill since the 1950s when he first appeared as Richard III at the Gaiety Theatre Ayr.

Like Mrs Siddons’s he is charismatic and can hold an audience in the palm of his hand for what seems like eternity. It was from studying her and other great 18th and 19th century actors that he learnt many of the tricks of the trade such as fainting at the sight of the Elgin marbles which is certainly a scene stealer when the British Museum has a coach load of Chinese tour operators visiting their famous gallery. As many a younger actor will testify, no one makes an entrance like Sir Sebastian. His charitable endeavours know no bounds and few thespians have been as generous as the theatrical knight in helping young actors, newly arrived in Green Park from working class backgrounds to get a foothold on the London Stage.

A Generous Sponsor

Sir Sebastian was one of the first British method actors and in the late 1950’s he studied in New York and learnt lots of methods. He was fortunate to have the backing of Miss Lulubelle DuBois, a cousin of his Aunt Muriel, a belle so southern she tinkled with every step she took. Lulubelle’s early life had been blighted by the loss of at least two husbands in unexplained circumstances. The wealth she acquired en route was put to good use and she is thought to have been a leading figure behind the success of Country and Western Music and the meteoric rise of Elvis Presley.

She always had an eye for young men with a large potential and as well as supporting members of her own family she was always willing to give advice to budding entrepreneurs. There was for example the young son of a couple of property developers who was interested in building all sorts of luxurious towers and she took him under her wing, even suggesting politics might be his ultimate aim in life.  In New York she made sure Sebastian met all the right people and he was soon the darling of Broadway.

Sensitive Performances

Sebastian, however, never forgot his roots and his love of the Bard of Avon. The Bard wrote a number of Shakespearean plays which were later discovered to be by William Shakespeare himself. On his return to Britain when being very theatrical was no longer frowned upon, he threw himself into the whole gamut of Jacobean Theatre, though he has always had a soft spot for Shakespeare’s Richard III which is a play written by William Shakespeare.

There were of course lean years too and these saw him move into the world of television drama. Who can forget his Customs Official in Triangle when he insisted Kate O’Mara was carrying one too many  bottles of Schnapps in her hand luggage? His sensitive portrayal of a loading bay official at the depot in The Brothers was said to have influenced a major policy change in the leading haulage companies of Britain.

Rainbows Everyday

Sebastian was rediscovered by a whole new generation when he stole the show in an Art House film “Suppa with Svetlana”. He won the hearts and minds of the jaded Thatcher generation who saw him drape a pashmina on Dame Judy’s shoulders. The Evening Standard critic said it was the first time a pashmina had spoken to him and in retrospect Barry Norman would say it was a turning point of British post war  cinema and society. For the first time that sweep of wool from the underbelly of the cashmere goat said  “deregulation may not be all it is cracked up to be.” The death knell of the Thatcher years was sounded by that woolly sweep and the fleeting sadness captured in an old Bolshoi cloakroom attendant’s eye. One eye only, because the role called for an eye-patch.

From then on Sebastian’s star was in the ascendance once again until words began to fail him. For the last few years he has been residing in the Judy Garland Wing of the Home for the  Terminally Overdressed, where “Everyday sees a rainbow”. This is a cutting edge facility for “actors and creatives”  based on Dutch experiments of helping those who live with dementia by placing their lives in the correct historical and social context.  This is generally known by that meaningless phrase “back in the day”. To cut a long story short most of the residents think they are either “resting”, “warming up”, “making up” or actually “on stage”. Everywhere the lighting is good and taped applause is timed along with air freshener.

Cultural Guardian

Fortunately Sebastian has moments of great incite and in many ways he is as sharp as ever. This is just as well as he still holds many important posts in the British artistic and charitable world. He is also the Chair of the Trustees of The Muriel and Jasper Wylie Foundation.

Muriel, Baroness Waterside, and her husband Sir Jasper  were Sebastian’s aunt and uncle, who were as devoted to their nephew as he was to them.

Muriel and Jasper were the most stylish couple in 1950s and 1960s Scotland. Their influence was everywhere. No issue of The Glasgow Lady was without some feature by Muriel or about Muriel Wylie’s simply marvellous lifestyle or her search for gracious living in a post war nation.

They were both a movement and a brand. Few would consider buying even a tin of emulsion or a table lamp without attending a Muriel lecture-ette or paying a visit to one of the branches of “Chez Nous”, their interior decorating shop for the discerning.

Everyone Wants a Piece of the Action

The success of the Wylies was due to their ability to adapt to change despite their often more conservative instincts. Both Muriel and Jasper were heavily influenced by Scandinavian design and a trip they made to Stockholm in 1959. This was just as Britain was on the cusp of the 1960s which would take place one year later in 1960.  They would become a very wealthy and influential couple.

The fruits of their enterprises now rest in a charitable foundation which is eyed enviously by cash strapped arts organisations throughout the country. Money formally used to fund the arts has disappeared, although no one quite knows where to.

Currently there are several projects which require a great deal of money and the Wylie Foundation is being courted by all sorts of interested parties including The new Scottish Museum of Things Scottish people are interested in, The Brexit Experience (aims and objectives not yet fully fleshed out so application deferred), and Knitting the Way to Global Harmony, a project designed to integrate knitting and folk signing in one world flash mob at a deserted shopping centre near you.

Old Friends or a Pair of Chancers?

Hilary Dee Range

Needless to say old friends, Hilary Dee Range, the feature writer of “The Sunday Slouch”and Vivienne Valhalla, the uber curator are both currently acting as consultants to the Scottish Museum of Things Scottish people are interested in (or SMOT as the branders will have it).

Vivienne

Their brief is to select a subject of wide appeal which will be used as the “gateway theme to understanding” for “a visitor experience” and by default  funnel people into the wider world of the Museum’s vast  collection of spinning wheels, thimbles, potato harvest riddles and the newly acquired and nationally significant archive of a brassier factory in Renfrewshire.

So Excited By Their Own Genius

The two women ever anxious to make their way to the top of the greasy pole that is the arts establishment have their ideas. They know that Robert Burns, the national bore, sorry national bard will be expected. However, they long for something less masculine and anything that reduces the need to go to a Burns supper is to be welcomed. They have considered a food focus but macaroni pies in a well fired roll will annoy the healthy living people.

What then about killing two birds with one stone and suggest an experience featuring the cultural icons, Muriel and Jasper? If they could persuade Sebastian to gift his collection of Wylie artefacts to the museum and at the same time fund it with a healthy donation from the Wylie Foundation they would be the darlings of all things MacCultural. Of course they will have to act quickly as there is always the danger that the great actor might be declared “lacking in capacity” to make such decisions and millions are at stake here and after all “we don’t want to be considered as bringing undue influence to bare now do we?” The two are excited at the thought of their own genius and set off for the Home on the Slough trading estate with alacrity, chatting all the way.

Planning on the Train to Slough

“Of course the sky will be the limit if we pull this off.”

“Yes you are so right; it will be directorships at the very top places for us.”

“You don’t mean…?” asked Hilary

“I do.”

“The V&A?”

“I do darling, I do and I believe they are considering branches in Dubai and Dunscore.”

“Think what you could do with Dunscore darling”

“Oh I do, all the time darling, all the time.”

“Of course we are going to have to convince him.”

“Yes he is a tricky customer at the best of times, just lay on the flattery with a trowel, mention tax breaks, gracious living going forward globally, yada yada yada.”

“Of course this time we do have access to the Museum’s Access Fund for Developing New Audiences Going Forward.”

“What does that mean?”

“First class plane travel darling.”

“The next stop will be Slough Station, change here for Windsor.” announced the guard.

Laying It on With a Trowel

“Oh Sir Sebastian, how wonderful to see you again, looking in the pink. Your skin tone just keeps on improving. My and how this lighting suits you; one would think you were permanently centre stage. It takes natural talent to be so perfectly lit.

We have brought you a little gift, just a little token of our appreciation, your famous lines mean so much to us we have had them crafted by a calligrapher and bound in this tooled leather album.”

“Now did you get our email? This project could have major tax break implications as well as making sure that the next generation going forward have the benefit of gracious living as a concept which we consider as vital to human happiness and I am talking gender fluidity here, as Sir David Attenborough’s thing on too many washing up bottles inside turtles. Personally I have a dishwasher, but there you go, we are not all on London Weighting I suppose.

Then of course there are the social justice issues, your aunt believed in good design and sherry for the masses did she not? And heaven knows the young and old are going to need something to do when artificial insemination takes over.”

Cut to the Chase

“I think you mean Artificial Intelligence, but if I might just stop you ladies there. While I appreciate the flattery and the album, I have a massage booked for 4 pm on the Benidorm Set and then a rehearsal for  No, No Nanette at 5.00. So if we might cut to the chase, what do you want and make it more Comedy of Errors than Hamlet?”

“We would like to make The World of Muriel and Jasper  the great attraction at the new Museum of Scottish Things Scottish people are interested in.”

“I thought that was spinning wheels, thimbles and Robert Burns.”

“No that is so back in the day Sir Sebastian, we are talking participatory interactive, fully immersive, breaking down walls going forward etc etc..”

“Is there a good model for a museum which features a small group of people who have a major impact on the world’s cultural scene that appeals to all age groups?”

“Yes.”

“What is it?”

“The Abba Museum in Stockholm.”

“But that is in Sweden, near Scandinavia.”

“Indeed.”

“Oh I would need to see it before I could make any decision about handing over the collection.”

“We will book 3 tickets.”

“Well ladies that is a coincidence for I was looking at my aunt’s diary this morning and it is 60 years ago to the week that they went to Stockholm near Sweden and brought back the sticky oot leg and changed the face of Scottish domestic interiors. Not to mention inventing the 1960’s. First Class travel?”

“Well, extra leg room and pre-ordered snack.”

“Well I suppose I know all the words to I want to be Happy, so I could miss a rehearsal.”

“If you could, we should be most grateful.”

“You will need to make that 4 tickets; my key worker will need to come, it’s the policy of this studio”.

“We can arrange that.”

Tell me ladies, before you go, I am curious..”

“Yes, Sir Sebastian.”

“Is there anyone going backwards?”

 

February 2019